the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
