five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
