I got chris browned last night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
