All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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