Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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