Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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