yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
