i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
