Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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