I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
