Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
