I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
