Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
