you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
