i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
