His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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