Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
