okay pat passed out under dana's car
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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