By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize