We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
