Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
