I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
