THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
