i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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