I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
