she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she woke up with a sticky ear
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
