i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
