When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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