I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
