its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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