The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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