i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They took my balls.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
