walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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