its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
