Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
