i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
