so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
