if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
