my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
