someone threw a dead crab at me
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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