hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
