Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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