If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize