My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
