Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
