If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
