When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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