your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
