I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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