I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pooping to opera.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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