A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
