Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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