If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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