when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
