we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
