I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
