I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The Olympian is in my bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
