is your mom at the bar?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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