The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
