So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
