Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
