She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
