your parents love me but you hate me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
