# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize