my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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