there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
