I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
