Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
