i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
